| The title "Director of Football" should really be "Your Replacement". |
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| Sebastian Chebal is the missing link in the theory of evolution. |
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| In any German team, the goalkeeper is always the most German-looking of all the Germans. |
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| If Titus Bramble can play professional football, so can I. |
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| If Neil Warnock's team loses, it is never anything to do with him or his tactical ineptitude. |
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| Keep it simple lads.
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| Every manager thinks he can be the one that will break Newcastle's trophy drought. |
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| Using mobile phones for goal text alerts and full-time scores is not as satisfying as escaping the wife to watch the scores come in on the videprinter in an electrical goods shop window. |
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| Being a Leeds United fan is like being constantly kicked in the bollocks with steel toe-capped boots. |
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| Your nan couldn't have scored that. |
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