| When playing football and making a monumental cockup out of a seemingly innocuous situation, ALWAYS glare at the turf and stamp on the offending blades of grass. See: Beckham penalty v Portugal, Robinson own goal v Croatia.
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| No straight male knows if Anna Kournikova is any good at tennis, or can name a single opponent she has faced. Nor should they care. |
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| There are 2 great teams in Liverpool, Arsenal and Arsenal reserves. |
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| Pool - It is ALWAYS one on the black and no pickups when you are playing shit and losing, despite your opponents protestations. Invariably this will make no difference to the outcome of the match but will make you feel better. |
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| If you find the opposition on the wrong side of a ruck, it is both big and clever to shoe the crap out of them. |
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| Panellists on FA Cup Match of the Day and Football Focus please note: Mentioning the one piss-poor fact you ''researched'' 30 seconds before coming on air does not make you an expert on the lower-league team you are covering that evening.
Yes Lawro, Leyton Orient are owned by Barry Hearn and will be hoping to ''snooker'' the opposition today. But a chimpanzee with access to the internet could have found that out, so wipe the smug grin off your face, you lazy cunt. |
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| Twenty20 cricket is the way forward. We still get slaughtered, but at least the humiliation is over quicker |
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| Everyone involved in football, from commentators to coaches, will say ''we/they wanted to win'' in some sentence or other. You don''t say. Muppet. |
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| Modern sportspeople will always think people want to read a book about ''their side of the story''. If your side doesn''t involve snorting heroin, hiding dead hookers, or driving a blazing ice-cream truck into the manager''s front room after being dropped, fuck off. |
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| Kissing your wedding ring finger after scoring lets your wife know you really love her. Because she''s not either shopping or getting ridden by your injured team-mate - she''s watching the game. Really. |
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